keep rolling

keep rolling.
someday, u might just roll into someone special.
u may nt realise it, it may startoff silently.
jus open up n be hopeful.
the day will come.
dont build up too strong a protective mechanism.
keep the river flowing.

an ending, or a new beginning

i wont be managing this blog too much.
rather, i wld be doing another story telling.
a great chance for reflection.
have been reflecting alot recently.
hope i dont think too much.
yup.
so.
look for other blogs to read ba.

mayb some day...

50 first dates

It's a nice movie. Thou abit scary for the 1st moment she wakes up every morning, bt she's stil the same person, he's stil the same, so it doesn't matter really even if she cant rmb many tings. not on a normal day.

it didnt feel like a first date, still, i was in my comfort zone. really a 720+360 deg(3D ha) change of mood last sat. I was really angry in the morning alrdi, dont know y, then gonna explode in the aftnn. yup. bt within half hr, it switched fr 1 end to the other. juz like how the cab travelled.

took 5 times of cabs in 2 days. n all r 2 figs.
tt's quite a boost to the taxi industry.

i didnt noe it was tt ez.

some tings can neva b changed.

ur family is part of these.

it's the minor tings tt they gave in to, bt the future is still in doubt.

time will prove everyting.

i have to stay in sg.
at least for now, there's no escape.

it'll neva stray apart.

thanks for the 52++mins of call yesterday.
4 times in a day, n wad more shld i ask for?

28 hours.

perhaps its time tt i set high expectations for myself too.

LIFE

it is true.
u noe it when u do.
when time flew,
it carries away ur blues.

a year ago, i may nt be sure.
many tings were uncovering then, many factors to consider.
bt when i knew it, i really do.
how do u noe?
u will noe it when u really do.
my mind doesnt seem to b v gd at org nowadays.
perhaps too many variables.
bt stil, it has to b done.

keep going,
keep rolling,
keep flowing.
it will be glowing.

n u havent buy some tings...=>

this is the anaphase

my emotional status has now reached the anaphase.
it will be e longest phase, however.
long.
i dont know how long, perhaps years.
it's q stable now, occasional ups n downs r considered normal when they r within control.
once in a day, once in a while - it's ok. it's alright.

full marks.
stil.
25/25.
im nt one who likes it.
e perfectionist is seeking for sth else bt perfecton only appears in this form.
seriously, i dont like it.
n not a single bit supportive of it.
so im like forced to give support to sth which i hate totally, for life- i wont change my attitude thou u may like to offer another perspective to c the benefits tt it brings abt, bt i'll only agree on the harm it does.
stickier.

nowadays i dont hear any screaming, any cheering, any pongs, dongggg----, any buzz.
if only i cld choose.
i wld give in for a while 1st.
bt noway.
we r all forced into this.

watched wiseley ystdae nite.
god of 3 wishes.
i wish i cld c him.
i dont nid to pray for wad is beyond his power.
all i want is sth v simple.
my reactional quotient isnt gd.
n it neva will b.
mayb bcoz im too selfish.
i've bcum.
bt it's inevitable.
at least for now.

have been hungry at nite for the past week.
my stomach is used to having supper.

Each of us has our own destiny.
Or call it fate.
like what the aunties in tv like to say, it's fated.
just have to live on.

All that im doing now is for a reason.
just 1 reason.

for tt reason, i've done my best.
thou i noe my best is stil nt the best.
things rnt s ideal s we wld all want it to be.

im tinking back now.
perhaps startinig to regret my decision.
i like to make tings diff for pple, esp in a rebel.
bt at the same time, im too softhearted.
perhaps too much sacrifices were made for me.
tt i bcame selfish.
n wld like to cnue enjoying tt.

since 2 yrs ago, i was alrdi diff.
i dont like prestige.
i dont like to compete.
i dont like being 1st.
bt parents always tink they r doing their kids the best thing n tt their kids r immature to decide for themselves, n tt they wld be grateful to themin the future.
at 1st, i tot i wld do the same if i have kids nextime, bt now i tink i wld b like my parents, giving my kids freedom.
happiness is a valueable gift.

well, false info at 1st.
30-40 x 26=780-1040min
n 5 x 26=130min.
minus +++++++++..........................................
ok.
yup
1stly, e def +++ n ++++. each x7, x well, be it 5, 30 or 40.
n -20 x 60 x 4=4800min ->this one of a even even much much higher value.
yup.
n the +++ n ++++ each x 7 x 24.
kk.
now.
nt left wif much.
so does the 780-1040min minus 130min combat all these?
not to say it'll eventually turn 130min-130min.
well.
or even minus more, so bcum negative.
yea, it's doomed to b negative in the very 1st place, it's u who have been dreaming.
now mayb i prefer my family.
n their way of doing things.
my dad, my cousin, my fren.
they r great.
tt's the way i like it.
bt all along in my growing up process, i've learnt tt im a special girl.
im diff.
nt jus bcoz everyone is diff.
u give wad u take.
now im giving much much much more.

im still tinking, still processing.
im in control.
if not,... u noe wad.
so i shal cnue analysing .
not for too long.
im nt gd at this.
too ignorant. too naive. too disalert.

L.I.F.E.
xant pf haytnty.

so, is this .... ?

i shal eat more icecream.
i've neva touched alcohol b4 xcept those in medicine.
they say tt it helps u 4gt.

C.O.M.A.
come on, make accident.
bt skilfully.

jus as i chose to take a lighter, more relaxing approach towards life, it's trying to exhaust me.
im tired.
really, really tired.

live believing, dreams r for weaving, wonders r waiting to start.
live ur story, faith, hope and glory,
hold to the truth in ur heart.

havent been onto icq n irc since a v long time ago.
msn only recently tt i start gtting bk.
bt it no longer feels the same.
pple r diff.

bu xiang zhang da.

A Reason...

I jus read a magazine yesterday.
vanilla. it's a february issue, so a number of love stories in there.
it hit me when i saw 1 of the ladies saying what i told myself some time ago- All things happen for a reason.
it really makes me reflect on how abnormal i've been for the past 1 week, unable to tink normally n cheer myself up n be enlightened by my own thoughts jus like previously. perhaps due to the diffreence in the nature of challenge this time. i used to dislike certain 'compulsory' stuff last time, bt went abt appreciating them aft tt. i was grateful in the end, for everything. yes, everything. it's not ez nowadays for pple to jus appreciate everything tt happen to them. we want more, we want better stuff. yet i would say jus perhaps months ago, i was grateful. n i taught myself to be grateful still. n now, i guess what im going thru now has a reason behind it too. i may not have the wisdom to see thru it entirely yet, or perhaps it's just tt i dont have tt usual peace in my heart tt i used to have. all these days, they have been a struggle for me. yet i'll say tt i'm alright now. at least, i wont do silly things.

for the past few days, i did wonder if it wld b beta if things didnt go WRONGs. tt wrong + wrong = wrong. tt u may nt realize the pain of sadness if u havent been thru gladness b4. bt im now grateful for many tings. many many things. a month ago i may say "hey, go study science". tt wld b selfish. it's god's gift tt im able to do well in a's, thou honestly i didnt put in the effort. it's like 10% or even less than compared to th amt i studied in mayb sec3 n4? ok, stil my classmates then accuse me of bein slack. bt oh well, they have my welfare at heart. bt in jc, my reason to study changed. alot of my views bcum diff. many of them. tt i no longer care even to the slight slight bit abt what others tink abt me. it's no longer impt when sth much much much more impt is alrdi in ur hands. being 1st is alrdi nth more than a mere vague passing remark tt ur exclassmate may mention many years fr now if u do gather tog. bt there r other pple tt u'll b facing, well every day, mayb not now, bt in the future.

Each step is a stride forward. But every step comes only aft great effort.

Relax, God is in charge. What is there to worry for a being so tiny n powerless when the all mighty God is here to take care of everything? i can only say that He has been so kind to me, giving me everything that i asked for. So i shant worry anymore. let go of them, n life would be much ezier.

Patience. Kindness. Forgiving. FAITH.

It's a wonderful, n i hope, the only opportunity to build up the faith n trust.

perhaps what i said on sun abt thurs nite was jus bcoz i havent been feelin much excitement for some time alrdi. nt the kindof rollercoaster ride feelin wich i tink may make me faint, bt the kind which i experienced b4. perhaps too much of it in a too short period of time. i've been in my comfort zone for so long. perhaps im also afraid of tt, afraid tt e excitement might be here, bt e comfort, e non-self-consciousness may be gone. Blood is thicker than water. that explains the difference between me n her. well, if 1 day i were to choose, my choice is v apparent. bt... rdg dmu oyf? this is my only fear. I need to overcome it with faith n trust, bt i need some source to find these.

my actions n thoughts may seem childish to many pple. bt im here to say, even 10, 20, 100 years later, i would still tink the same way, do the same thing. for my priority will remain unchanged.

my dream is simple. maybe tt's y, it's too simple for it to come true.

we'r on a boat..
sailing..
when the wind blows,
when the thunderstorm comes..
will the boat capsize..
or will it remain stable n keep sailin..

one day we'll know...

we should not suffer in silence alone, for only lonely ghosts do.

i'll be here, im always here.
things will change, e boat will never sail into the same river twice.
bt i believe tt it'll be a beta rriver.
if not, it is the best river.

giselle is nice ballet.
i love the style of the moves.
n there it is, the power tt saved the prince fr the wilis.

i love fairytales.
bt i stil do appreciate these romantic stories.

i'll be here for buts.

Hold on, n at the end of it all, u'll be glad u did.
It's tough, bt not impossible.
With e strength that comes from u.
I believe... ...

Thank you for beimg strong.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

well, a change of mood today. petrhaps its good. sth new. at least compared to the past few weeks.

im angry.

dont know at wad. dont know y. im just angry. at whoeveer at is. wadeva.

cant control my emotions since sosoloong ago.....

e days seem solooong...

well, i need a speech therapist .
an angry person cant talk.
n she'll only type nonsense.

kk. sth constructive.

I miss you(FULLSTOP)

all of us have to make many many choices in ouor life. some u'll neva eva regret, others, mayb u'll neva b sur e of.

sometimes we jus have to noe tt even the most perfect bein may b imperfect aft all.

n accept it.

i've felt sorry 4 wad i've done b4.

i've wondered y on earth i was so lucky.

n now i understand.

all things come with a price.

everything.

yup.
that's all.

bu chang huang lian ku, bu zhi mi tang tian.
so wad abt swoping the order of these 2 lines?

dont lose ur way, with each passing day.
u've come so far, don't throw it away.....

it's jus e beginning.

i would really love to have an island.

by myself.

life is complicated.

used to tink it was wonderful.
yes, it's a great gift from god.
bt rmb, all things come wif a price.
u choose wher to go.
n u have to bear e consequences of ur decision.

individual-no such ting in sg. bt i hoope it does exist somewhere else in the world atleast.

i need to help myself through this.
coz u wont b here to last thru e problems tt u've created for me.
bt well, life with some probs is at least nt empty, i'll be preoccupied, n well, challenging. indeed, extremely challenging.

ballet always derpicts stories of everlasting love, the power of true love.
well, many well-known love stories have sad endings.
bt e greatest of all is the spirit.

it was neva meant to b ez.
expect more obstacles ahead. greater ones.
n BE STRONG.

there's nth else i can say or do.
life's like that.
just live it.
bt do decide where ur 'tt' leads to.

some day my dream comes true......

s n s

1st dinper(2nd dinner+supper) at sakae! ate lots of dessert. ate mochi(ble gave me lychee n ate peach again), strawberry, haagen das d'temptation, n the choc icecream.the orange juice n lychee juice was not bad too. n fried tof shd b warm to taste nicer. thou the other sushis doesnt matter. dont really like their mushroom nor the salad. hmm. ate $70.xx. ha. really spent q lots.

went sentosa too. wif aunt tog too. played luge n skyride,lunch ate tastes of sing for the 1st time n koufu for dinner, also for the 1st time in sentosa. the flowers exhibit was not bad, q colourful, thou some were common flowers. hee. i like the heart shaped ting with bench wif flower 'armrest'. the swan fig was not as nice coz used pale yellow flower.

atte q some nuts there. hmm. the wadeva pavilion floor was rather rough.
n toilet was rather far.

n the island opp was dangerous.so diff to climb.hee. so eva climb.

songs of the sea was nt bad, q worth the mon, thou the story is dumb.

hee. more marsa alrdi. the surfer paradise shirt looks more tight fitting than i tot.

all-sta was long...
bt nvm.

fri was x-country.
looked at lots of 100's fotos.

oy fwpxt ua wt pf fa sytbpaof.

it's a different stage, diferent feel now. bt it's the same thing. jus tt now tyhe depth has came in. or perhaps, since long ago.

ukdqzf 4 oy ytdffoydqbt. i knew it.

yet human beings jus tend to wonder abt.

time will be the seasoning, for it acts as a solid evidence.

i'll wait...

it's friday......again......

typed an entry last last fri
yar thanks to the enhanced feature of blogspot
accidentally deleted the words in the text
n yup
so a blank space got saved

ok.
nvm.

it's fri agn.
i miss the fridays i had last year.
wanto go back to tt time.
well, at least, there's alot of 'free time' then. u get to decide what u wanna do.
n being a student,
i suppose it shd b a carefree kindof life.
didnt know how precious it wasd then.
didnt treasure it enuf.
now i wish i were a j1 agn...
mayb im a little bit envious of them.
the canteen didnt feel like a sch canteen yesterday.
it's like some older kids version of mac party.
they blasted music real loud.
999554 more v day.
well, tt's a consolation actualli.
nvm.
nt within my control.
well, fri was the shortest sch day.
yup n now,
it may still b the shortest sch day thou it's relative to 'normal' other sch days now.
it's ok.
it seems quick.
im gettinig used to it now.

sometimes itik im a slow tinker.
bt definitely a deep tinker.
thou it may go too deep.
n perhaps i was too rash at times.didnt give myself enuf time to come up wif a perfect plan.
well, inexperienced.
experiece.
yes, tt's the word. it's really impt.
n somtimes, some tings cant be really understood unless u've experienced it.
real friendship comes by hardly.
nature n nurture.
both r equally totally practically impt.
its not jus theoretical.
im sure frenz who have gone thru alot of hardships tog wif alot of happy hours will definitely have a deep frienfship, an irreplaceable 1.
a SMILE mean so much.
n sometimes, fotos r good evidence of it.
or maybe its just tt some pple dont have the habit of taking fotos normally.
well, sometimes, we may have the choice of putting in alot of effort to take control of our life. work hard, migrate, plan alot alot such tt the desired outcome- a 'dream' lifestyle- is finally achieved.
bt many tings will comeabt unexpectedly. n sometimes tings just isnt tt perfect.or tt u might have to sacrifice alot in order to achieve it. n nobody can 100% manipulate life. esp our experiences. any starnger tt u meet on the street. well, they may bcum ur friend or enemy in the future. it's really unpredictable.
yet what has happened, has happened.
i once doubted it, yet i've already confirmed it, i tot.
bt now i m wondering- was it just a habit?
n i wonder, was i being too rash?what would happen otherwise?
i knew tt god was answering my prayer, n rewardiong my kindness n sincerity. i was truly just trying to help.
i noe im just tinking too much sometimes.
cant help
maybe watched too much tv last time
wild tots
n tt's y i'll neva like to have a really immature friend
at least must be able to think n have some bit of empathy.
thou im not really tt fussy.
bt yar, i do have pple whom i dont wanna b freiend with.
nvm.
sometimes i feel so lost.
just wonderring- m i totally perfectly fine, n tt it REALLY is fine now, or m i rite in what i tink?
tt's e prob.
like ki
no obvious model ans.
even if u r rite, or perhaps wrong, u do not know whether u r rite or wrong.
bt there is definitely some extent of rite n wrong ans.
it couldn't b tt there's no wrong ans. it would b contradicting then.
k im not doing ki now so i shant elab bt its q pretty common sense n obvious n ez to tink of egs.
nvm.

just want to rest now.
ignorance is bliss.
bt now, how to make myself be ignorant?

dont feel like doing work today. it's my off day n i wanted to do some work bt now im not in the mood to do it.
thou this comp q good.
shall use it to do work next time.

i shall go n rest.
couldnt find my lamination ting.
shall c.
sayo!
=>